Days 4 and 5: Bathroom Antics

Friday, August 4th - Saturday, August 5th

Cleansers never know when their body will drag itself to the bathroom for a Porcelain Throne episode of energetic elimination. If you're thinking about the master cleanse, you have to accept the major unknown of bathroom frequency and urgency. I have a job that can accomodate this unknown. Some of you don't, like toll booth workers and traffic cops. While you're on another unexpected trip to the bathroom, cars are speeding through tolls and cars are piling on top of each other. You may want to consider a veggie cleanse...

On Saturday, I had an unwanted meeting with a public restroom. Just when I thought it was safe to make a grocery run with the boys, the Senna tea flipped the script. I flew from the front door to the back aisle in record time. Thank God the bathroom was clean, because the don't-touch-the-seat-squat doesn't work while cleansing. As I sat there, surveying the bathroom, wondering if there was enough toilet paper to get me through, I could hear the boys standing outside the door. By now, they probably appeared to be abandoned by some lunatic mom who lost it in the produce aisle and fled to Mexico. By the time my visit was over, I was glad nobody was waiting to use the bathroom. I fled the scene by scampering to the deli.

In spite of my toxic entry into the cleanse (i.e. drinking coffee almost everyday), I am not experiencing the terrible headaches that can bring down even the strongest cleanser. Eliminations are going well and I'm enjoying a good night's sleep.

I did get a little snarky with the boys - which is another common cleanse symptom that can't be escaped. I am still having a surprisingly difficult time around solid food. It's difficult to imagine I can still be thinking of food while feeling this great without it.

In spite of Stanley Burrough's recommendation to drink at least 6 glasses of lemonade per day, I'm drinking approximately 4. I'm simply not hungry after 4, and I'd have to force the last 2.

Stanley Burroughs lived decades ago, and he's no longer with us. But if you want to learn more about the cleanse, Peter Glickman runs a site with excellent information. Peter is a long-time cleanser and shares information about cleanse symptoms, common mistakes, and other useful tips.

Rock on.

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Cleansing Butts Prefer Butt Paste

So I realize that I'm behind on my blog posts, but I just HAD to cover this butt material first.

Many of you know about the potential for hemmorhoids, and my personal battle with them while cleansing. I went the Preparation H route, but members of the Yahoo group came with some knockout information...

The irritations of cleansing are better served by Bourdreaux's Butt Paste - basically a diaper rash treatment also used by "irritated" adults. Go figure. One member of the board has used both treatments (Prep H and Butt Paste), and couldn't believe the superior performance of Butt Paste.

Now with a name like Butt Paste, you have to be good. No need having such a stand-out name and delivering booty results. (Yes. The pun was intended. My humor writer is on vacation, so just move on).

Brought to you by the committee to assist cleansers everywhere, no matter how sensitive the subject matter.

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Day 3: Premature Food Dreams

Thursday, August 3, 2006

I had the rare pleasure of reading a cleanse blog that was maintained by a man. The blog was well written, and judging from the comments, he had a group of friends watching him closely and waiting for him to quit.

According to the male author of the blog, while researching the cleanse, he came across the "interesting and corny" idea of food dreams. On day 6 of his cleanse, he finally had a food dream and discovered the truth behind how real - and stressful - they can be.

Well here I am on Day 3 of the cleanse, and I started the day with a food dream. It was amazing. The colors were vivid, the situation was realistic (a cookout/picnic), and I could also taste and feel the food. This particular food dream was quite advanced, because I actually became upset about breaking the cleanse in the dream. Usually, a food dream results in fear after waking that the cleanse was broken. I didn't even wake before that fear hit.

I actually prepared a salt water flush (SWF) this morning - making 16 ounces instead of 32 ounces. I have never gotten down and entire SWF, so I decided not to waste good Celtic salt. I almost finished the entire 16 ounces, and that darned flush worked for at least 2 hours. Needless to say, I had the day off from work.

The day was quite enjoyable, and cleanse symptoms were almost none. I had a slight hint of a headache, and the twitching under the right eye continued. Other than that, I'm having an eerily smooth time on this cleanse.

I only had 5 glasses of lemonade today and lots of water. I forced the last glass down, because I don't want to miss the suggested 6-glass minimum by much.

My sleep has been fabulous, and I'll write more about that tomorrow.

Rock on.

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Day 2: I Wonder What Would Happen If I Quit Now?

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

I can't believe I already asked myself that question. Along with one of my fellow moderators at the Yahoo group, my heart is barely in this cleanse. My mind is squarely there, because I know how much I need to cleanse right now. But my heart keeps betraying what I know.

I actually had blood in my elimination earlier this morning, but it hasn't appeared again since that time. And now, I'm feeling general "ick" and I want to go to bed. I feel like I just ate a plate of raw pizza dough - and it's just sitting in the bottom of my stomach. (Did somebody say Pizza??)

But in some strange dusty back corner of my mind, I'm pleased that I'm having a hard time. That means I'm right where I need to be - cleansing myself. Think about it... cleansing brings things from the inside-out. So if I'm already feeling ick on Day 2, then I had some ick that needed to go.

Attitude Adjustment.

Those are my words for the day. As I read back over this post, it's like reading some dark tragedy. You would think a black cloud was floating over my head, and the cloud suddenly burst into rain. Hmmm. Dark. Snarky. Aaaaaaaaand melodramatic. I'll have to add these things to the list of cleanse symptoms. Here's hoping I have a sunny, witty post for you tomorrow.

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