From what I gather on the internet, this picture represents a day of shameful stair-scapades for Miss. Thailand. Po' chile. You know she felt like seeping into the floor once the folks on the right finally peeled her off the floor.
Notice how the folks on the left are still in shock and haven't stopped clapping their hands yet? But I digress.
As the current poster child for unhealthy living, that's ME falling down those darned stairs. (Only I wouldn't do it in a short skirt and slingback shoes, but I digress again.)
Just like doctors who smoke and firemen who start fires, I have more-than-average knowledge about health/nutrition and I'm not acting on that knowledge in a positive way.
Ain't that a cryin' shame?
I know one thing. I hope you keep reading this blog. Because if I can get my ish together and get healthy A-N-Y-B-O-D-Y can. Seriously. And all my dirty little laundry along the way will be hanging on a line right here for you to gawk at.
So I realize that I'm behind on my blog posts, but I just HAD to cover this butt material first.
Many of you know about the potential for hemmorhoids, and my personal battle with them while cleansing. I went the Preparation H route, but members of the Yahoo group came with some knockout information...
The irritations of cleansing are better served by Bourdreaux's Butt Paste - basically a diaper rash treatment also used by "irritated" adults. Go figure. One member of the board has used both treatments (Prep H and Butt Paste), and couldn't believe the superior performance of Butt Paste.
Now with a name like Butt Paste, you have to be good. No need having such a stand-out name and delivering booty results. (Yes. The pun was intended. My humor writer is on vacation, so just move on).
Brought to you by the committee to assist cleansers everywhere, no matter how sensitive the subject matter.Technorati Tags:
Butt Paste
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Master Cleanse
Friday January 6, 2006
If you stopped by yesterday, you'll remember how I was fantasizing about chitlins. If you have any idea what a chitlin is, you might say it was a coincidence that I suddenly have a hemorrhoid!
I know hemorrhoids are the hush-hush little problem that we keep to ourselves, but nothing is sacred when you're cleansing. We're getting a good laugh at the mastercleanse Yahoo group since discovering that we're okay talking about bowels movements, but shy about hemorrhoids.
I've actually only had 1 or 2 mild cases in my life, so I was surprised like the Publishers Clearing House winner when I woke up this morning.
Just in case that wasn't interesting enough, here's a few more blurbs from Day 6:
* I had a more-than-mild cramp this AM. I had to turn over on my back and felt the darned thing "move" when I touched it.
* Just like my first fast, I love how I'm walking fast everywhere. And it's totally unintentional. I used to think I walked slower because I have short legs. I was the one in the group telling everybody to "slow down." I'm convinced, without a doubt, it was a function of energy and overall health.
I suspect I'm going home to another "debate" with my 6-year old over why he can't share mommy's "juice." In spite of the fact that the household menu shows take-out from our favorite pizza place, he's gonna try to hijack my lemonade.
Quick Stats:
Glasses of Lemonade: 6
Additional Water: 33.8 ounces (don't ask me how I know the details)
AM: Senna, PM: Senna
Weight Loss: Body parts that used to rub together when I walked are breating a sigh of relief.
Healing Crisis: Do hemorrhoids count???
Wildcard Stat: I talked about my hiney today more than ever in history.
Quick Tip for Cleansers:
When I started my first cleanse, I was using glass iced tea bottles with metal lids. One day, I noticed a black liquid on my hands. The lemons were corroding the metal cap, and I'd been drinking that black stuff. Now I use plastic bottles with plastic lids. It seems like a small thing, but not something you think about your first time around.
Flashback:
See where I was on Day 6 of my first cleanse:
Day 6: Exodus from Mount Toxic Waste
See you tommorrow. Rock on.
Oh my Lord. I don't know what to say about feeling better OFF of solid food than I ever felt while EATING food.
I danced as I prepared a nice-sized dinner for my sons... and even invited mom over to have my plate. I treated them all to a bbq chicken dinner, with cornbread and asparagus. I even served on glass plates. As a single mom, my standard for at least a year+ has been paper and plastic.
By the time my mother got to the the house, she had a tentative look. I guess she figured I'd be drawn in the face and clawing at the walls for a chicken leg. I literally felt like I could run around my neighborhood.
I washed down my entire body with Dr. Bronners Castile Soap (Tea Tree variety). I noticed a "bruised" looking area on my left had that stung when submerged in water. That's my first skin blemish. I'm actually encouraged. That means I'm starting to eliminated through my skin. Yipee
The nite ended with Senna tea at 8:30pm... hoping to not have some "action" at 4am. Tomorrow is my first day back to work. I'd like to still be asleep at 4am.
As it turns out, I was up at 2:30am, 3am and 3:20am. Not bad.
I'm still feeling like the million-dollar-woman. Yes, a little bionic.
The hardest part of the day...:
...Not licking my finger when it was all stuck with bbq sauce and cornbread crumbs after serving the kids. Believe it or not, the thought only lingered for the few seconds before rinsing my hands. Piece of cake!
Another spell of tears...
...You know? Since the time I made the decision to accept Christ and live for the Lord, this cleanse is the biggest leap of faith I've made. As I watched Joyce Meyer talk this AM about "putting God first," I found myself "full" and thankful for the cleanse. There's nothing better in life than meeting a challenge that seemed impossible... especially when you chose the journey between you and the Lord.
I'm going to go ahead and admit this "out loud"... I'd really like to be one of the folks who stays on the cleanse for 40 days. I'm loving the freedom from food. Most folks know the Biblical story of how Jesus fasted in the wilderness for 40 days...
As many report, my vision is better. Strange to me, since I always test at 20/20. I don't get tired walking places, and I'm not as annoyed by the little glitches in daily life.
More tomorrow as the dancing continues. Rock on, sistah.
October 11, 2005
Who doesn't remember the song "Control" by Janet Jackson? Okay... who over 30 doesn't remember?
That's exactly how I felt today. It's 1:13pm, and I'm shocked at what a difference a day makes. I'm not having food fantasies. I'm already turned off to the thought of returning to some foods (like the Pork Roll and Cheddar Cheese sandwich I have almost every time we bowl).
In fact, I look forward to preparing dinner for the kids tonite (BBQ chicken, with Bone Suckin' Sauce from Whole Foods, organic Asparagus prepared in butter and garlic, and corn bread). You'd think I would dread the thought.
I'm not a lick hungry. Well... until I got a "grumble" for leaving my lemonade at home while running errands. But no crisis. I didn't want to run to Mickey D's to fix the lemonade absence. In fact, all I wanted to do was get home. I feel great!
I purchased 6 limes today. I may go with a lime drink, or a lemon/lime mix. Why not? Variety is the spice of life. Ugh. That's so cliche.
I also purchased 3 books. In addition to spending more time in prayer, reading my Bible, and severely limiting my TV watching, I want to get some other reading in. Here's the titles I purchased:
1. French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating for Pleasure (Mireille Guiliano)
2. The China Study: Startling Implications for Diet, Weight Loss and Long-Term Health (T. Colin Campbell, PhD with Thomas M. Campbell II)
3. Death by Prescription: The Shocking Truth Behind an Overmedicated Nation (Ray D. Strand, M.D.)
As you can see, I'm sticking to a common theme. LOL I hope to have book reviews for these and other titles I've read in recent past (such as Kevin Trudeau's latest book and others).
I refuse to weigh myself during the cleanse, but I can say: Halfway thru Day 3, I had no objections or other challenges of resistance as I went to put on my jeans.
Tips for those on the cleanse:
1. To help keep my skin under control, I'm using a product that I purchased at Whole Foods Market: Gentle Skin Peel: Papaya Enzyme & Fruit Acid Skin Peel (by Earth Science). I don't know if this will actually help, but my skin looks a lot better today than it was last night.
2. Prepare yourself for the cost. I purchased 19 organic lemons (approx. 3.5-day supply) today, and they cost just over $20. The Grade B organic Maple Syrup was approx. $10 for a 4-day supply. That's not huge, when you consider all the lunches and other meals your saving... but I think I anticipated "lemons" as a much smaller expense. LOL3. Don't skip a "meal." I was feeling tired, but not hungry, almost all morning. Although I wasn't hungry, I finally drank some lemonade around 10:15am. Within 1 minute (no exaggeration), I was ready to tackle the day. I was waiting until I felt hungry to drink the lemonade, but I didn't realize I was tired because I skipped the lemonade for "breakfast."More later as I end Day 3 tonight and publish Part II.
October 10, 2005Aw shucks. I feel great today. I was using 1/2 the Maple Syrup from the recipe yesterday, and didn't realize it. The correct amount makes the lemonade too sweet, so I cut it by 1 tbsp per 2 cups. Aaaah.True to the promise, I'm not hungry after my second day with no food. It's only 4:00pm on the second day, but the average person would be hungry by now.I also realize that Day 2 is the calm before the storm. According to most accounts, the most challenging days are Day 3 and Day 4... where the body really starts throwing off toxins and waste buildup.My face is greasy and getting that "I'm gonna erupt on you any minute now" look. If you've ever had acne or PMS skin problems, you know what I'm talking about. Although my stomach doesn't feel hungry, it's getting that "I'm gonna erupt in a homage to the Porcelain God" feeling.The worst part of the day was "trying" to do the Salt Water Flush. It took me 2 minutes to down 1/2 the mixture, and was only able to add a few sips 3 minutes later. I suspect I didn't get the benefit I needed, but I literally *couldn't* get it down. What I was able to get down was already playing peek-a-boo with my throat... threatening to re-enter the world.I suspect that between now and bedtime, I'll have more to report. I promise a Part II tomorrow.Tidbits for those thinking about going thru the cleanse:1. I purchased 18 lemons. Based on my squeezing method, I require 1 whole lemon for 1 glass of lemonade. I was feelin' pretty good in the store, but doing the math meant I only had 3 day's worth. Get LOTS of lemons. LOL2. Guidelines say you can alter the amount of Maple Syrup - more if you wanna gain weight, less if you wanna lose more weight. I'm not really concerned about the weight, but the full amount is just too sweet for me.3. The Salt Water Flush is as hard as many say it is. It turned this trooper into a whimp.4. Buy moist personal wipes (not the ones for your hands... the ones for more "personal" cleansing). I bet these will come in handy during the day, when you want to feel fresh. It's not the frequency... it's the consistency. (Hey, just being honest to help somebody LOL)
