Email from My Angry Colon

I haven't fasted or cleansed in so long that my colon sent me an angry email. All CAPS. Starting with, "YOU HEFFA! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

Right now, my life represents one of the most wonderful and frightening transitions. After 14 years in my profession (the last 12 with the same company), I got flushed down the toilet of "downsizing."

I almost didn't blink at the turn of events. My sixth sense had already detected the scent of trouble. In case you didn't know, corporate financial trouble kinda smells like burnt bologna and fried nerves. But I digress...

I immediately saw this as an opportunity to (1) take a much needed forced vacation and (2) to pursue deferred dreams that I previously filed under "Yeah. Right." More importantly, I'm blessed with the opportunity to cleanse in other ways by focusing on stress, proper diet, and luxuriating in the cure for my former Monday blah's.

My next fast/cleanse likely won't be a Master Cleanse. After a long absence and a tongue-lashing from an angry colon, my bravery meter looks a lot like it did before my first cleanse experience. But I do intend to complete one of two drastic departures from bacon cheeseburgers: (1) A 3-day water fast or (2) A 7-day fruit and veggie fast.

I'll chronicle that experience here, along with my efforts to grow a pair for my next Master Cleanse. Until then, I have an angry email to answer...

What Does "Living a Cleansed Life" Have to do with "Stress-Free Living?"

I named this blog "Cleanse Master Remix" because my goal is to address living a healthy life using the Master Cleanse as a single tool. And like many others, I wanted to know, "How do I continue the benefits of the Master Cleanse after my cleanse is over?"

I believe the answer requires the health-conscious to address the Mighty Three - Mind, Body, and Soul. And today, I'm taking aim at STRESS, which applies to the soul and spirit.

Today, I was watching Clean House, which features hopelessly messy pack rats those who can't seem to establish and maintain a neat, harmonious living environment. One commercial break featured yet another diet drug claiming to treat weight gain associated with stress - more specifically the release of the hormone cortisol associated with stress.

During my college studies, I learned in Health and Psychology that cortisol provides critical support for the flight-or-fight response. In other words, when presented with danger, cortisol helps us to do one of two things in an instant (1) stand and fight the threat or (2) evade the danger by fleeing the scene. But living a stressful life extends the release of this hormone which can build to toxic levels. And the human body wasn't built to manage extended release.

According to Advance Health and Life Extension, excessive cortisol levels increase weight gain and makes us susceptible to infections, both major and minor. In other words, "Honey, if you don't manage that stress, you're gonna be one sick overweight puppy."

From a soul and spirit perspective, all that road rage, anger and unforgiveness can be killing you. And don't get me started about the excessive spending, over our budgets, while chasing the Ninetendo Wii at Christmastime.

C'mon. Go with me here. How do you feel when you're stressing about something? Don't you feel like CRAP? What about the times you forgive and go-on with life? Isn't that liberating?

That relief you feel in your mind translates into relieving your body of a toxic environment. Aren't you worth it?

So before you reach for the potentially dangerous diet drugs - like Corticel and other cortisol blockers that supposedly help you manage weight by fighting stress, how about taking a moment to appreciate life and find a little kindness in your heart? Why not forgive your absent parent and stop flipping-off strangers in traffic? Now that, my friends, is living a cleansed life!

Happy Cleansing.