Advice To Tashia the Newbie from Hawaii

I dedicate this post to Tashia and all the other Master Cleanse newbies who haven't taken the plunge.


What advice can I give to first timers? Here goes my attempt to sound smart and helpful in just two words...

Plan well.

• I can't tell you how many times newbies underestimate the initial lemon purchase. Buy lots. Buy too many. Pretend they're going out of style. Then buy even more than that.

• Don't start without all of the ingredients and pretend you'll make it to the store on the day you begin. That is a serious cleanse-killer, because the trip to the store may be interrupted by a bacon cheeseburger. Or the detour could become the excuse to just "try again another time."

• If you live alone, get rid of your favorite foods. If that means eating them before you start... you can do that too. hehe

• If you cook for a family, like I do, I find planning a menu very helpful. That way, I only buy the food I need for them and don't spend so much time browsing the options.

• Pre-plan what you'll tell those around you, from family to co-workers. Whether on purpose or not, those folks can be major cleanse-killers by offering food or talking about what a "dangerous thing you're doing." Get in the zone and be ready for them.

• You may want to 'cleanse before the cleanse.' Some folks prepare by cleaning-up their act the week before. In our Yahoo! Group, the general consensus is that coffee drinkers have a hard time with detox headaches. If you drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, sippy-sippy on the alcohol or eat a lot of refined carbohydrates, you many want to wean off these things in the days leading to the cleanse.

• And I can't end without recommending our awesome support group at the Yahoo! Mastercleanse group. Don't underestimate the value of talking to other folks going through the same drama as you!

Bonus advice. Measure your lemon juice every single time you mix. Some have 'rule-of-thumb' estimates about the amount of juice a single lemon holds. I measure every single drink, because juice yield can vary. Stanley Burroughs is very clear that the juice measurement is not negotiable for each glass. This isn't Walmart. Cut corners and you'll get what you pay for... And I'm not talking about cheap gadgets painted with toxic materials and flesh-eating rubber sandals.

As always, you can search through my blog posts to find a few more gems... like the priceless value of Bordeaux Butt Paste and the benefits of local bathroom maps. hehe

Happy Cleansing!

Hiding Under a Rock

I haven't posted since April 3rd. I wonder if it's because I've been hiding under a rock, hoping I didn't have to admit that:

1. Pasta and I recently became friends again and
2. Because of that, I'm still only maintaining the 10.5 pounds that I lost 2 months ago.

With diabetes on both sides of my family, I really can't play around with refined carbohydrates and extra weight on my body. I am blessed to remain in good health, but the underlying concern is always, "How long?"

I recently had a conversation about busy lives and convenience - eating out of boxes, bags, and food joints that value quantity over quality. I don't have a life that affords me hours of Martha Stewart time to prepare top notch meals. But then again, Do I?

Everybody finds time for the things they find important. And if I look at the time I have left at the end of the work day... I wonder if I simply find other things more important.

I typically get home around 6pm (sometimes later)... leaving me a good 3.5 hours before the children must go to bed. I use 1/2 hour of that to detox from the day, and another 1/2 hour dealing with "after school" issues. And perhaps my problem is that I don't want to spend a huge portion of the remaining 2.5 hours in a kitchen.

I am blessed to have a beau who loves to cook and does it well. Yesterday, he prepared a seared steak fried rice with salad. I almost locked my son in the closet when he simply asked, "Dang mom. Why didn't you ever cook like this?" What I do cook is good, but I don't know how to cook steak and forget a rice dish.

So perhaps at the end of the day, living a life of good love and good health is about accepting the help that we're blessed to receive. Whether you have a great partner who shares the chores or a great friend who will be your buddy in the travel to good health - keep running the race until something clicks and you find the balance required to achieve the most important priorities.

Weight Loss Challenge 2007 - PMS and Monster Scouts

The Girl Scouts struck again with Caramel deLites. I'm waiting for Fatties Anonymous to launch a battery of lawsuits against those sweet little monster scouts and their delicious boxed treats. hehe

Actually, I fought PMS and bloating all week... a time when I crave chocolate and carbs. It's a miracle that I only put on 1.5 pounds during the fight, and I am so happy to be back on track. That still puts my total weight loss at 10.5 pounds.

I did my Turbo Jam last night, and I'm ready to graduate from the Learn & Burn DVD.

I must give props to my supportive beau, who cooked a wonderful meal yesterday, leaving enough of the carb-less version for me to have lunch at work. Poor preparation has been my worst enemy - especially leaving home without lunch.

He started with Baby broccoli in a little butter and spices. He sauteed onions and added a few crumbles from my horseradish/cheddar burger mix. He continued by adding baked chicken wingettes, and by now the kitchen smells like a gourmet restaurant. I took out my portion before he finished the one-pot dish with long-grain rice and vermicelli.

I was terribly annoyed that my 7-year old ate his entire bowl. No - TWO entire bowls. Veggies and all. My beau is such a show-off, and I love him for it. I wonder if I'll be ready to enjoy beaches in a swimsuit with him by the summer. He loves boats. He loves to fish. After 14 years in the Navy, he just loves water.

Check back soon. I expect to report excellent progress over the next few weeks.

Weight Loss Challenge 2007 - UPDATE

So I made it through the first 5 weeks of the challenge. My goal was to lose 2 pounds per week. I am slightly ahead, losing 12 pounds in the first 5 weeks - not to mention all the wonderful inches that make my clothes fit great.

But lurking under that success was a measly 1 pound weight loss last week. It wasn't the pasta. It wasn't the bread. It wasn't even Hershey's chocolate. It was something much more sinister that could be knocking on your door right now. It was Girl Scouts.

I was determined not to get dragged into the wicked world of those cute boxes and delicious treats. I walked by dozens and dozens of boxes in front of the grocery store and other places. I returned the sweet tiny voice, "Would you like to buy some cookies?" with my own sweet, "Not today, but good luck to you."

I was on top of the world. Until an evil co-worker put out a Girl Scout cookie display that looked like a bonanza. Oh the sweet little boxes, lined-up like soldiers. As I tried to walk by, a purple box of Caramel DeLites reached out. Seriously. The tab popped and grabbed my shirt. I tried to fight, but the box was too strong. I screamed for mercy and threw my $3.50 into the money envelope.

I ate 9 cookies and slammed the lid. I went home and did Turbo Jam.

I couldn't trash the box. "I'll just save them for somebody. I hate to waste good cookies."

But the next day, I polished the box and rushed back to Turbo Jam. That's the only reason I was able to manage a pound that week.

These are the truths about attempting a major weight loss. There are mountain-top experiences, and then there are valleys paved with cookies. ::sigh:: Oh well. I'm still in great spirits and my weight continues to travel in the right direction. :-)

Poor Planning and Your Paunch

I am suddenly a believer in old advice I heard regarding health habits - that preparation can make the difference between losing 100 pounds or gaining 50.

These weeks following my last cleanse have been quite an experience. I have more positive food habits than ever. I rarely eat carbs, and I don't load when I do. I drink water and incorporate more exercise. I feel great and had to note a player who helped this major change:

P R E P A R A T I O N

Did you ever notice how you eat whatever is available? Walk into a conference room with donuts, and suddenly it's Donut Monday. Walk into a meeting with candy, and suddenly it's a Sweet Meeting.

The same is true at home. The contents of your cabinets become your "availability." Don't stock those cabinets with junk from floor to ceiling and complain that it is impossible to lose weight.

I spent a few evenings preparing the proper food choices which made my days easier. Today, I came with carb-lite/carb-free selections like meatloaf and deviled eggs. My belly is full while managing to avoid the Carb Party Box called the vending machines.

I say all this to encourage you to put first things first. The average person who complains of being "too busy" can still find time for a favorite television show or other random nighttime activities. Use part of that time to lovingly prepare foods that nourish instead of harm your body. I'm starting to enjoy the time I spend in the kitchen because I'm able to do other things at the same time... like catch American Idol and stir during the commercials.

Master Cleanse 2007 Day 10: Skipping Over the Finish Line Like an Energetic Child

This cleanse has been quite a ride. In spite of the deep craving I experienced when I served my sweetie a huge green salad, I didn't wanna stab anybody over a cheeseburger. In fact, I found myself enjoying the act of preparing and serving food. I often sat at the table while others ate, keeping the evening routine with our game of "Hi-Lo."

Once again, I only drank 3 glasses of lemonade and missed my P.M. senna tea. I won't get any awards this time for "Cleanse Perfection," but I feel GREAT and lost 11 pounds. That means in the first week of 20, I lost 11 pounds of my 40 pound goal.

After coming off the cleanse correctly (orange juice, veggie soup, etc), I fall into the church consecration (fruits, veggies, water, prayer) through January 28th. I feel a quiet confidence that I arrived at my season to change my health for the rest of my life. I'm not sickly by far, but I feel the extra pounds, and I know they hold a promise of challenges tomorrow.

From this point forward, I'll post once or twice a week regarding my progress on the Weight Loss Challenge - from what I'm eating to my body measurements.

A Warm Hello to My International Visitors!

While 75% of my recent visitors (approximately the past 3 weeks) live in the United States (including Alaska and Hawaii), the remaining 25% live outside the states.

Please accept this warm welcome to my visitors from:

• Canada
• Italy
• United Kingdom
• Australia
• Brazil

I have traveled to Canada, the United Kingdom, and Italy. I have also traveled to France, Germany, Amsterdam, Spain, and Switzerland. My most fond food memories come from Italy and Spain.

Both years that I traveled Europe, I came home thinner. I find that the availability of healthier food choices in other countries (from ingredients to prevailing attitudes about food) is often the subject of books I read about health. In fact, the growing weight and general health problem in the United States is highly attributed to SAD, or the Standard American Diet.

I most enjoyed the book, "French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating for Pleasure" by Mireille Guiliano. I recommend this book to anybody as a wonderful commentary on weight issues that reach far beyond superficial motives and quick fixes.

I hope to see all of you again soon!
Hawa

PS: Thanks to Google Analytics for the cool maps and site visitor statistics that allow me to "see" my International friends. If you have a blog, you need to sign up for this free service.

Battleground

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Some of you know that my current battle with a healthy lifestyle comes after the destructive work of eating my way through a divorce. Even as I head for a major comeback after peeling the emotional layers, I have an eye turned to the physical layers. Like a metaphor for the necessary "hibernation" time for recovery, I'm ready to come out of the cave AND the extra layer on my body. This fight is harder than any other, because my rewards for "bad behavior" are so immediate. Here's what I mean:

• Yes, chocolate can cure a long night.

• Yes, the cheesy goodness of a pizza can be a great companion for a long night of bad memories.

• And yes, crunchy snacks are a fun friend for dateless movie rental weekends.

After the emotional recovery, I immediately wanted to kill those habits. Instead of bringing perceived relief, comfort foods feel like the artifact of an old reflex instead of something I really need. And thankfully, habits can be broken. Now that I'm sweeping out the cobwebs and feeling like a new woman on the inside, I'm ready for that "new" feeling to show. It's amazing what junk food does to the skin, the hair - and not so surprising what it does to general health and vibrancy. The cleanse on August 1st feels like the final battleground in this war.

Although I keep taking stabs at the Beast of Bad Habits, August 1st is my declared time for "it slays me or I slay it." I don't expect an all-at-once victory. We're talking about a big beast. But I do expect to leave that beast dying on the ground - unable to deal anymore devastating blows. I'll hang it's head as a trophy once the work is done.

No weapon formed against you shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17a)

Disappearing Acts

I certainly know how to pull a disappearing act. I haven't been to this blog in so long, that I had to climb through an unopened window in the back just to get in. The place is dusty, but it's still home.

My next cleanse is scheduled for August 1st. It looks like moderators and members alike have a similar goal at the Yahoo mastercleanse group. I don't think I ever needed a cleanse more than I need one now. When I'm on target with good health, my focus is like a laser beam - burning holes in junk food and destroying midnight snacks. But right now, when somebody says "hole," I only think of donuts. My laser beam is more like a garden hose set on sprinkle. I'm spraying everywhere between snack food and pizza.

The pop-culture induced reliance on food for everything from celebration to self-medication is a scary thing. I'll return to the blog periodically between now and August 1st to whine about preparing for the cleanse. I feel like a baby who just dropped her bottle outside of the stroller and nobody's picking it up. I'm having a tantrum over the fact that magic bullets don't exist to resolve a crappy relationship with food or the weight that follows. The tantrum will be short, but I'd still cover the furniture and clear the room. hehe

Rocking on, (but right now with a slice of pizza in my hand)...

(P.S. Are any other Blogger users slightly annoyed that the Blogger spell checker rejects the word "blog?")

When a Good Scare Gets the Juices Flowing

Ugh. If I could roll my eyes any harder, I'd get a nice look at my brain. I promised myself not to be "the woman who started eating right because a medical scare rocked her world." I hear those stories all the time. Well yesterday was a reminder to go ahead and implement the plan, or I'm gonna miss the mark.

I was sitting at my desk, having a conversation about American Idol with a co-worker. During the conversation, my left arm went numb. I had to be subtle, because I didn't want to alarm my visitor. I wiggled my fingers and made a few loose fists. As my mind turned down the volume on our conversation, my loudest thoughts asked the question, "What the heck is going on?"

I was thankful for the company and the conversation, because it kept me from panic. After a short walk and a trip to the bathroom, I felt almost normal again.

Now there are a few potential reasons I had that scare.

1. I often have strange occurrences on the left side of my body when my digestive system goes on strike. Years ago, I had to see a specialist about it, who told me chest pain and referred pain is not uncommon. Another friend with digestive problems said her pain would settle in her left shoulder. Too bad that's the same marker as a heart attack!

2. Later last night, I had problems with my left collar bone. When I type a lot, a nerve on the left side of neck starts to protest. The numbness was probably my warning for a long night of that weird nerve thingy.

3. My bra is really wearing on my shoulders under the responsibility of carrying around... well... Double D's. You might go numb too.

In spite of the non-emergency nature of the problem, I experienced a moment in time where the status of my health came into serious question. Long periods of eating like a teenager can't possibly be good for a 35 year old body.

Convenience. Habit. Comfort. Habit. Celebration. Habit. Boredom.
Did I mention HABIT?

A cleanse is coming some time after Memorial Day. I'm ready to reset. I really don't care how many times I have to try. The only opportunity to win lies in not quitting.

Rock on.

If My Life Was a Car...

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

...I would be sitting firmly in the driver's seat. But a pesky front-seat passenger would have a hand on the steering wheel, fumbling a foot on the pedals, and causing me to swerve off the path. At least backseat drivers have no real influence. They don't have access to the driver's tools. In fact, backseat drivers only have useless guidance and annoying voices.

But my passenger is sitting in the front of my car. I'm able to keep a general direction, but I find myself drifting, and stopping to repair damage after swerving into obstacles. My pesky passenger is an unreasonable relationship with food. Notice I didn't say FOOD itself?

When was the last time a pie jumped off a plate and down down someone's throat? Food itself has zero influence. It's the crappy choice to invite food into every crevice of life. Joy calls for food. Celebration calls for food. Boredom calls for food. Happiness comes over for a party, and food gets an invitation. In fact, even mourning calls for... you guessed it... food. A drug addict has nothing on a PMSing woman who wants chocolate. NOW.

I decided to consider a time or circumstance where food isn't on the list of invitees, since the food list is so long.

[cue the chirping crickets and hollow echo]

So here I am. Driving my car. I can almost see the destination, or at least a few places I'd love to stop and visit. Mr. Poor Eating Habits causes the trip to stall in all kinds of ways.

• I'm introduced to migraines at the age of 16
  
• I pop up with high cholesterol at the ripe old age of 23
• I develop digestive problems that require medication in my mid to late 20's
• Around the same time, I'm on a beta blocker for heart palpitations
• In my late 20's, I develop menstrual problems
• And for most of this time, I'm fighting to get to a healthy (and sexy *wink) weight
  

The list seems to go on forever because I haven't kicked the annoying passenger out of my car... So I stop and pick up another passenger. Good Health Habits climbs into the back of the car. Poor Eating Habits turns around with a scowl. Now they're fighting, and I'm happy to have an extra passenger who's on my side.

My new passenger has a huge bag loaded with weapons. Cleansing/Fasting/Detoxing. Whole and organic food. Lots of water. An attitude that I deserve to win every good blessing.

I'm turning a sharp corner, and the door flies open on Poor Eating Habits' side of the car. He holds on to keep from getting ejected onto the highway. Now if I can only get the seatbelt loose, and add one final swift kick in the...

Rock on,
Hawa

Fascination

Thursday, March 2, 2006
As my thighs become reacquainted with each other and make that reunion swishing sound, I have a renewed fascination with our relationship to food. Over at the Yahoo group, we have a lively conversation going about using food to escape - and other links between food and emotions. Once you go on a cleanse with no food for 10 or more days, you learn just how often you think about food. A thin and healthy coworker even found himself surprised over impulse food habits that he'd developed over the years. One member of the board posted a most interesting theory:

Its funny how weight gain actually manifests itself into an emotional disorder. A period of short term stress with long hours and little sleep can cause a person to adopt unhealthy eating habits in order to cope with the stress. As the unhealthy eating causes a person to gain weight, they begin to feel sluggish and lazy and begin to reduce any physical activities previously enjoyed.

This in turn leads to more weight gain. When the gain has reached a point where it is readibly noticeable by the person and their peers, then self esteem issues begin to surface generating stress leading to more unhealthy eating habits. Also, most unhealthy eating habits involve large amounts of bad carbs which I personally know to be addictive.

Looking back over the past several years, I can't remember a lonely, stressful, angry, or sad moment that I didn't stuff with a comfort food. Sadly enough, commercials are openly promoting the strategy of stuffing an emotional issue with crappy food.

So I'm actively searching for a replacement. I'm firing comfort food on the spot, and hanging the "help wanted" sign. Who or what should apply for the job? Use the comments feature to share your answers, and I'll post my responses to your suggestions.

I have a few ideas of my own, and I am on a serious personal mission to win a battle that many people lose. Besides missing the mark God established for the body-as-temple, I realize that I don't look or feel like the "me" I know and love. I have plans for a long and prosperous life. Now only if I could get my thighs to cooperate...

Stumbling and Almost Falling

Thursday, February 2, 2006

I stumbled this week. It's like somebody tied my shoelaces together. While they were at it, they bound and gagged my new personal guidelines for a healthier life - and shoved them into a huge duffel bag.

The past four days have been a challenge. Food calls me to suppress stress and boredom. And alas, I finally had the pop-culture icon of the Standard American Diet.... can you guess what it is?... here are some clues:

• If satan could cook, this is the food he would prepare
• It smells great when you're craving it, and smells like h@ll when you're trying to eat right
• No rational mind on the planet actually wants to eat this food, but can't escape the eerie force field when driving by in a moment of weakness
• Just like nicotine is the addictive part of cigarettes, the finger-licking salty sticks are the addictive part of this food

Did you guess McDonald's? LOL!

I finally had McDonald's this week, and it was downhill from there. Slight headache. Poor sleep. Skin breakout. And the worst... craving more bad food. I won't even talk about the Girl Scout cookies that fell out of the sky and landed on my desk yesterday. Well... they kinda landed there after I went to the ATM, took out the money, and paid the dedicated father who was selling them for his daughter...

I almost gave up this morning, but something strange happened...
Even tho I felt bloated, I put on my red suit, and the pants were looser! That was enough to keep me encouraged.

On top of eating right most days, I've made other lifestyle changes. I walk more, and I starting using my 2 hours in the car as an opportunity to exercise. I exercise my legs while on cruise control, my upper body while at red lights, and my abs (crunches) while driving with the pedals. It's scary to sit for 2 hours in the car most days, and then work a desk job all day - which requires a lot more sitting.

One day at a time, gang. One day at a time...

LIfe After Cleansing

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Life after cleansing is a huge new priority for me. Are we required to go back to the Standard American Diet, and feeling like crap, so we can escape through the euphoria of another cleanse a few months later?

My goal is to see how good I can feel, how healthy I can feel, for how long after a cleanse. Here's a recent post I sent to the great gang at the Yahoo mastercleanse group:

Yesterday was my first real "day off" day.
As many of you know, my plan for life after the cleanse includes (by week):

1. 64 to 80 ounces of water per day (I thought that was a gallon, but it's just half a gallon!)
2. four days of eating right, including the quality of food and attention to total caloric intake - with a focus on good fruits, veggies, whole grains, and good protein (e.g. limit or avoid red meat)
3. one day of fasting (Wednesday, water and some fresh juice only)
4. two days "off" of fairly unmonitored eating

On my first real "day off", I had lunch at my favorite restaurant (tilapia in butter cream sauce and ceasar) and 3 Tastykake cupcakes. I also had water, nuts, and fruit in between.

Well let me tell you, I felt lousy by the end of the nite. I don't think I ever want to see a Tastykake again! What surprised me most was how my next morning went...

By this AM, I wasn't feeling like the glowing ball of vibrant life that I was getting used to. I almost felt "blue." I even thought about starting the day with a Wawa cappuccino! I wanted "relief" and found myself craving the wrong stuff.

My mind wandered back to the kind of eating day I had, and I realized how much food really does affect our emotional state and why cleansing is such a euphoric time. Imagine how terribly we eat on a daily basis sometimes. We really do adjust to being "sick and tired" all the time. Remember how the school was able to eliminate behavior problems in the movie "Super Size" when they switched to a healthy hot lunch program?

I'm really ready to challenge my post-cleanse guideline of "two days off" for eating. I feel like I'm gonna spend this entire fasting day (today) trying to recover from the crap I ate yesterday.

I've even changed the date for my next cleanse from June/July to April. There's no way I'm waiting that long in between cleanses. LOL

Cleanse 2, Day 8: The Standoff with Johnny Carino

Sunday January 8, 2006

I took my kids to our favorite restaurant today, Johnny Carino's. This was a much greater test of my will, compared to Pizza Hut. When the menu came, I could hear the old Western movie gun fight music. I clicked my spurs and positioned my hand over the holster.

Victory for me is defined as a new relationship with food. Success means the ablity to say "no" when necessary. And face it, if I can't look Carino in the face without breaking a sweat, how will I ever succeed when I'm outside of the protective lemonade barrier??

The waiter, Alex, was the fun part of the night. I told him to pass by me, because I won't be eating in January.

[Eyes growing big] "You're not eating for a month??"

[Shrugging] "No, just 21 days."

By now, Alex's eyes look like they might pop out of his head and land on the table. For something that gross, I'd expect a free meal.

Alex made several trips back to our table for more information. He was fascinated. I love when somebody is willing to accept new information regarding proper health and longevity. Alex became my foster child. His curiosity was lovable.

By the end of the meal, our young 20-something server was considering the cleanse to break some barriers with his weight and overall health.

I left the name of the book and a 58% tip to make sure he remembered our conversation.

Alex, you rock, man.

Quick Stats:
Lemonade: 6 glasses
Water: 20 ounces
AM: Senna Tea, PM: Senna Tea
Weight Loss (no scale): The comments are coming in. It's very noticeable at this point.
Healing Crisis: None
Wildcard Stat: Survived the first and only time I will ever enter Carino's and not order something, like the amazing Garlic Jalepeno Tilapia. That's just crazy talk.

Flashback:
Wanna see where I was on Day 8 of my first cleanse?
Day 8: Stuck on Snarky

Cleanse 2, Day 7: Food Fantasy Graduates to Entire Restaurant Fantasy

Saturday January 7, 2006

I took my boys to Pizza Hut today. While they sat and ate pizza, I wrote a mini-business plan for a unique restaurant. As I consider life after the cleanse, I'm disappointed by the food choices available to families who want to dine out.

I have to admit, the restaurant idea could be a defense mechanism for surviving an afternoon at Pizza Hut. It could be my chitlin food fantasy turning into a full blown "restaurant fantasy."

I've been watching a lot of cooking shows. Some say this introduces temptation, and only a nut would cleanse and watch people cook scrumptious food. But I'm taking a different position. My post-cleanse life is all about better food choices. Watching those shows now is building an arsenal of better skills while NOT under the pressue of eating.

The best part of the day? My 13-year old son was my two-armed tape measure on my first cleanse. He discovered that he could get his arms around my waist by day 7. Today, he conducted the same test and found he could overlap his wrists on the other side.

Today was a slow day, so straight to the quick stats:

Quick Stats:
Lemonade: 6 glasses
Water: 20 ounces
AM: SWF (1/2), PM: Senna Tea
Healing Crisis: None
Wildcard Stat: The youngest person in the family to ever need Preparation H to make it through a day.

Flashback:
Want to see where I was on Day 7 of my first cleanse?
Day 7, Part I: The Two-Armed Tape Measure
Day 7, Part II: The Tolerance of a Flea

Cleanse 2, Day 6: Pass the Preparation H

Friday January 6, 2006
If you stopped by yesterday, you'll remember how I was fantasizing about chitlins. If you have any idea what a chitlin is, you might say it was a coincidence that I suddenly have a hemorrhoid!

I know hemorrhoids are the hush-hush little problem that we keep to ourselves, but nothing is sacred when you're cleansing. We're getting a good laugh at the mastercleanse Yahoo group since discovering that we're okay talking about bowels movements, but shy about hemorrhoids.

I've actually only had 1 or 2 mild cases in my life, so I was surprised like the Publishers Clearing House winner when I woke up this morning.

Just in case that wasn't interesting enough, here's a few more blurbs from Day 6:

* I had a more-than-mild cramp this AM. I had to turn over on my back and felt the darned thing "move" when I touched it.
* Just like my first fast, I love how I'm walking fast everywhere. And it's totally unintentional. I used to think I walked slower because I have short legs. I was the one in the group telling everybody to "slow down." I'm convinced, without a doubt, it was a function of energy and overall health.

I suspect I'm going home to another "debate" with my 6-year old over why he can't share mommy's "juice." In spite of the fact that the household menu shows take-out from our favorite pizza place, he's gonna try to hijack my lemonade.

Quick Stats:
Glasses of Lemonade: 6
Additional Water: 33.8 ounces (don't ask me how I know the details)
AM: Senna, PM: Senna
Weight Loss: Body parts that used to rub together when I walked are breating a sigh of relief.
Healing Crisis: Do hemorrhoids count???
Wildcard Stat: I talked about my hiney today more than ever in history.

Quick Tip for Cleansers:
When I started my first cleanse, I was using glass iced tea bottles with metal lids. One day, I noticed a black liquid on my hands. The lemons were corroding the metal cap, and I'd been drinking that black stuff. Now I use plastic bottles with plastic lids. It seems like a small thing, but not something you think about your first time around.

Flashback:
See where I was on Day 6 of my first cleanse:
Day 6: Exodus from Mount Toxic Waste

See you tommorrow. Rock on.

Cleanse 2, Day 5: So Smooth That I Lost Count

Thursday January 5, 2006

I woke up this morning thinking how great it was to be on Day 4. It took me serveral hours into the day to realize that I was on Day 5! I guess it's like a road you've traveled before... once you take the trip, all future trips seem shorter because the route is familiar. The unknown associated with my first cleanse made some days seem like an eternity.

The road has been so smooth, I'll focus today on providing some sound bytes:

* I slept great last night. No Senna Shaking in my gut waking me in the middle of the night.
* When I woke up, the bloating from Day 4 was gone.
* My lips are terribly dry. Although it's the winter season, my lips are drier than usual.
* My face is an oily mess. Skin usually dries-out in winter, but mine looks like a teenage acne eruption waiting to happen.
* The sensitive tooth (gum spot) is worse. That makes brushing a chore. I reported the same problem on Day 10 of my first cleanse, and noted that it started somewhere around Day 5. How strange to have the exact same symptom, on the exact day.

I also had my first official food fantasy today. My cleansing co-worker and I got to talking about soul food, and the discussion of Chitlins sent my mind skidding off the Cleansing Highway. I think I landed in a ditch covered in Black-Eyed Peas. I tried to climb out, but slipped on the Collard Greens. The fantasy almost ran away with me when it started raining Deviled Eggs. You get the picture?

Quick Stats:
Glass of Lemonade: 6
Additional Water: 20 ounces
AM: Senna Tea, PM: Senna Tea (1/2 cup)
Healing Crisis: None, if you don't count the painful tooth/gum.
Weight Loss: My face/neck is shrinking.
Wildcard Stat: Set a record for consecutive "No" when 6-year old son insisted we share my lemonade. He was satisfied when the night ended with a small sip. Humph. Kids.

Flashback:
Check out where I was on Day 5 of my first cleanse:
Day 5, Part 1: Squirrels and Salt Water Flush Don't Mix
Day 5, Part 2: Furry Teeth That Want to Chew

Cleanse 2, Day 4: Hold the Cake, Just Give Me the Candles

Wednesday January 4, 2006

When scheduling a cleanse, you do your very best to avoid times when eating is almost necessary. Holidays, birthdays, and family reunions are the worst time to cleanse. But alas... I missed one.

With an airy sigh in her voice, my mother had a revelation, "Oooooooh. You'll still be fasting on my birthday."

Ouch. I can't remember a year that we didn't celebrate my mother's birthday with some kinda meal. How could I have missed that one? There won't be cake or any other festive food for me. Just pass me a candle. For a moment, I was disappointed with her. On the other hand, I'm enjoying the journey of finding a replacement.


Quick Notes About the Day:
* Bloating, gas, and belching today. That's a surprise for me.
* Still don't miss food one bit. The days are flashing by. 21-days, here I come...


Quick Stats:
Lemonade: 6 glasses
Water: 20 ounces
AM: Senna Tea, PM: Senna Tea
Healing Crisis: None
Wildcard Stat: I've used enough toilet paper to wipe King Kong for a week. That's a lotta bananas.


Find out how I was doing on Day 4 of my first cleanse:
Cleanse Day 4: If You Could Only Take Two Things With You

Cleanse 2, Day 1: Dodging Cheese Biscuits

Sunday, January 1, 2006

Here was the fun part of the day: Sitting in Red Lobster watching my 13-year old son eat dinner. We always eat out for dinner after church. And just like clockwork, he wanted to know: Where are we gonna eat this time?

“We?????” [not the sweet kind...but the kind with an attitude]

“Oh. Yeah. Right. Where am I gonna eat today?” [not noticing the fire in my eyes]

After recovering from the urge to drop him out of the car and speed off, I realized he was right. As a single mom with two boys, I’m outa luck for cleansing buddies in the house. My routine should be the only one that changes.

The Red Lobster host and the waiter both stared at my lemonade mix. I was clearly breaking the rule “No Outside Food.” I must have looked insane enough for them to resist approaching me about the subject. I felt like Queen of the Hill as I sniffed cheddar biscuits and happily passed.

The start of the day was a little shaky. I didn’t have the senna tea the night before, because I only one tea bag that I was trying to save. Yikes.

My body got right to work. I certainly gave PLENTY of reason. I ate holiday-style until the last possible minute. I’m talking Jamaican Curry Chicken and Rice at around 1am, and a fried chicken leg after 2am – all after a New Year’s night service.

The day in summary: Mild headaches. Plenty of elimination. The “heavy body” detox feeling. And one big grin for finally starting.

• Quick Stats:

Glasses of Lemonade: 6 (barely.. still forcing it down after 11pm)
Ounces of Water (additional): None
AM: Senna Tea, PM: Senna Tea
Healing Crisis: None
Weight Loss: None
Wildcard Stat: I think I broke a bathroom record for Cleanse Day 1.

• Flashback:

Wanna see where I was on Day 1 of my first cleanse?