Here and Now

Three days ago, I started my fitness journey. Although the plan doesn't include a cleanse until November (hopefully with buddy, Mary Lee), I started with my trainer (aka sweetheart) on Sunday.

Mr. Military himself doesn't subscribe to the bounce-your-boobie school of sweating off the pounds. Yeah, walks are fine, but his routine is all about strength training.

After the first two days, I'm feeling a little like an old lady. Who got hit by a car. Off a cliff. In the rain.

Workout days are Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday. I can add a Friday or Saturday if I like. But right now I don't feel like adding anything except an ice pack and a burger.

We sat together and wrote a 4-week goal before I started on Sunday. I took the following measurements as points to track my progress on a weekly basis.

1. Weight
2. Calves
3. Thighs
4. Hips
5. Waist
6. Chest
7. Arms

This coming Sunday will be my first weigh-in and checkup on body measurements. I'll post the results here by Monday night... or sooner if I'm having great results (of course). *smile*

Happy Cleansing, and even Happier Living !

Knee Deep in a Bucket of Hot Wings

Well dang. Where have I been? I would say "knee deep in a bucket of hot wings," but the truth is a little worse than that. At least hot wings aren't loaded with processed carbs - which have crept back in to my routine like ants to a picnic.

I have returned to "snacking," although I snack less often than I used to. I also returned to having some soda and eating foods with "white" carbs in them. In spite of my overall habits having improved over the last 3 years, I'm in a health funk.

It's time for the cleanse I've been avoiding since the middle of March. I had a few good excuses going... like my birthday, my sweetheart's birthday, and oh yeah..... the full moon. But now I'm out of options, unless I have a rare disease that requires me to eat Easter Eggs every Easter Sunday or I'll implode.

The real disease is a deadly allergy to bathing suits - especially bikinis - because if I don't get on the move, I won't be stepping a single foot into swim recreation this summer.

The last thing I want to do is make cleansing/fasting/weight loss about appearance. On a certain level, appearance should be a concern. Looking your best (not somebody else's best) is a sign that you have a healthy love for yourself.

But on the most important level, I want to live a long healthy spiritual life that doesn't include a team of medical specialists and a medicine cabinet full of prescription drugs. And oh yeah, I also don't want my future to include a trip thru the roof because only a crane can get me out of the house.

That may sound like an extraordinary exaggeration, but the unhealthy people and severely obese folks didn't just wake up with a mountain of health problems. They're the product of a series of actions (and lack of actions) that multiplied into a big mess. That means the war is fought daily. Today I fight once again as I purchase my lemons (after putting down an old favorite and recent weakness - Andy Capp's Hot Fries). ::sigh:: hehe

The Good News and the Bad News...

So here I am at the halfway mark of the Weight Loss Challenge. It appears the other participants have dropped out one-by-one. But I'm still here with a goal to lose 40 pounds in 20 weeks.

At the halfway point, I'm still maintaining an 11-pound weight loss. I'm clearly short of the 20 pounds I should have shed by now. That's the bad news.

The good news is... I maintained the weight. As strange as that sounds, maintaining a loss hasn't been a historical strong point for me. But over the last 6 - 7 weeks, I discovered the magic to holding a constant weight. And learning that is just as valuable to me now as losing a few extra pounds.

I finally broke down and hired a personal trainer. Only he's free. And he's cute. And he knows how to cook vegetables.

My sweetie was going to go into personal training at one point, and he's always been the best candidate for the job. But I have avoided his help out of embarrassment. Although he doesn't have a single complaint about me, I'm not sure I want him to see me collapse after struggling through a workout.

"Honey, if you love me, just give me oxygen.
Oh yeah. And a pepperoni pizza."

At 44, he maintains like a 20-year old. And at 36, I'd probably need hospitalization after a set of push-ups. Like 2 push-ups.

But the sincerity of his heart wins the day and I finally requested his services. His loving reply to my request:

"I want my family - me, you, and the boys -
to be fit and live long lives. I love y'all."

Dang.

Weight Loss Challenge 2007 - PMS and Monster Scouts

The Girl Scouts struck again with Caramel deLites. I'm waiting for Fatties Anonymous to launch a battery of lawsuits against those sweet little monster scouts and their delicious boxed treats. hehe

Actually, I fought PMS and bloating all week... a time when I crave chocolate and carbs. It's a miracle that I only put on 1.5 pounds during the fight, and I am so happy to be back on track. That still puts my total weight loss at 10.5 pounds.

I did my Turbo Jam last night, and I'm ready to graduate from the Learn & Burn DVD.

I must give props to my supportive beau, who cooked a wonderful meal yesterday, leaving enough of the carb-less version for me to have lunch at work. Poor preparation has been my worst enemy - especially leaving home without lunch.

He started with Baby broccoli in a little butter and spices. He sauteed onions and added a few crumbles from my horseradish/cheddar burger mix. He continued by adding baked chicken wingettes, and by now the kitchen smells like a gourmet restaurant. I took out my portion before he finished the one-pot dish with long-grain rice and vermicelli.

I was terribly annoyed that my 7-year old ate his entire bowl. No - TWO entire bowls. Veggies and all. My beau is such a show-off, and I love him for it. I wonder if I'll be ready to enjoy beaches in a swimsuit with him by the summer. He loves boats. He loves to fish. After 14 years in the Navy, he just loves water.

Check back soon. I expect to report excellent progress over the next few weeks.

Weight Loss Challenge 2007 - UPDATE

So I made it through the first 5 weeks of the challenge. My goal was to lose 2 pounds per week. I am slightly ahead, losing 12 pounds in the first 5 weeks - not to mention all the wonderful inches that make my clothes fit great.

But lurking under that success was a measly 1 pound weight loss last week. It wasn't the pasta. It wasn't the bread. It wasn't even Hershey's chocolate. It was something much more sinister that could be knocking on your door right now. It was Girl Scouts.

I was determined not to get dragged into the wicked world of those cute boxes and delicious treats. I walked by dozens and dozens of boxes in front of the grocery store and other places. I returned the sweet tiny voice, "Would you like to buy some cookies?" with my own sweet, "Not today, but good luck to you."

I was on top of the world. Until an evil co-worker put out a Girl Scout cookie display that looked like a bonanza. Oh the sweet little boxes, lined-up like soldiers. As I tried to walk by, a purple box of Caramel DeLites reached out. Seriously. The tab popped and grabbed my shirt. I tried to fight, but the box was too strong. I screamed for mercy and threw my $3.50 into the money envelope.

I ate 9 cookies and slammed the lid. I went home and did Turbo Jam.

I couldn't trash the box. "I'll just save them for somebody. I hate to waste good cookies."

But the next day, I polished the box and rushed back to Turbo Jam. That's the only reason I was able to manage a pound that week.

These are the truths about attempting a major weight loss. There are mountain-top experiences, and then there are valleys paved with cookies. ::sigh:: Oh well. I'm still in great spirits and my weight continues to travel in the right direction. :-)

Master Cleanse 2007 Day 10: Skipping Over the Finish Line Like an Energetic Child

This cleanse has been quite a ride. In spite of the deep craving I experienced when I served my sweetie a huge green salad, I didn't wanna stab anybody over a cheeseburger. In fact, I found myself enjoying the act of preparing and serving food. I often sat at the table while others ate, keeping the evening routine with our game of "Hi-Lo."

Once again, I only drank 3 glasses of lemonade and missed my P.M. senna tea. I won't get any awards this time for "Cleanse Perfection," but I feel GREAT and lost 11 pounds. That means in the first week of 20, I lost 11 pounds of my 40 pound goal.

After coming off the cleanse correctly (orange juice, veggie soup, etc), I fall into the church consecration (fruits, veggies, water, prayer) through January 28th. I feel a quiet confidence that I arrived at my season to change my health for the rest of my life. I'm not sickly by far, but I feel the extra pounds, and I know they hold a promise of challenges tomorrow.

From this point forward, I'll post once or twice a week regarding my progress on the Weight Loss Challenge - from what I'm eating to my body measurements.

Master Cleanse 2007 Days 8 - 9: Feeling Kinda Ooooh La La

In spite of the fact that I still struggle to drink 6 glasses of lemonade per day, I'm feeling like a new woman. I only had 4 glasses on Day 8 and 3 glasses on Day 9. I am down exactly 10 pounds.

I continue to miss my night-time senna tea (I did again on Day 9).

Like usual in the home stretch, my mind wanders to the life (and food) that waits for me after the cleanse. For many, this is the most anxious time because the desire is to continue living a "cleansed" life and to hopefully continue to lose weight.

Typically, people slowly return to crappy eating and pack on the pounds. I am particularly annoyed when they come back with claims that, "The cleanse doesn't work because all the weight comes back when you start to eat again." And yes, if eating means Doritos at midnight, then I guess all of your weight does come back.

So I ask that you consider the success stories that involve proper eating after the cleanse. You will absolutely continue to lose weight and increase your health if you eat right after cleansing. And by golly, I expect to continue my blog posts and become an example of what can happen when you start with a cleanse, and end with proper nutrition and exercise.

More later.

Master Cleanse 2007 Day 4: For Once, Food Isn't the Problem

Abstaining from food hasn't been a second thought this cleanse. Seriously. No food fantasies. No wishing I was sitting in front of a 3 course meal. Nothing.

My "wanna quit syndrome" is from a whole other source: Irritating Eliminations.

In spite of practically owning stock in Preparation H and Butt Paste, I'm irritated by whatever toxins are in my eliminations. It happened so early in the cleanse this time, I started wondering how I was gonna make 10 days. I seem to be on an okay schedule (except I keep forgetting to bring my "necessities" to work).

Early this morning (the morning of Day 4), the scale indicated that I'm down 6 pounds. If I keep this rate, and stick to my post-cleanse plans, this will be a wonderful head-start on my 20-week goal (40 pounds) for Weight Loss Challenge 2007.

I learned something else about the cramping associated with the Senna tea. I already knew that cramping could be reduced/eliminated by taking the tea bag from the water sooner. BUT, last night, I also learned not to gulp the tea. In a rush to go to bed, I finished the tea in a few sips. By 1:30am... I was sitting in the bathroom with terrible cramps and having visions of sipping the tea next time.

I may actually do a SWF (salt water flush) this Saturday and Sunday. 90% of the time, I accept Burroughs modification to skip the SWF and have Senna tea instead.

Things on my job are really in turmoil (regarding the government organization that I support). One of our top performers (in terms of security knowledge) announced her departure yesterday. She'll be moving to another organization outside of our building. This announcement was difficult for me in a couple of ways. (1) She's also a personal friend, and having her here has been such a pleasure. (2) Her departure creates a crack in the foundation, making future contract support a little sketchy for the rest of us.

I have needed to update my resume and explore a career change for a loooooooong time now. This upheaval is quite timely, but I'm feeling tentative nonetheless. I needed the kick in the pants, but I feel the low simmer of panic in my belly. I'm happy to be cleansing for spiritual and physical reasons as I face whatever is next.

More later.

Weight Loss Challenge 2007

Right now, the moderators (including me) at the mastercleanse Yahoo group are working on plans for a 2007 weight loss challenge. The challenge will begin with a January cleanse (minimum 10 days), and continue with healthy eating and exercise (methods of your choice).

Here is an excerpt from the early plans (nothing decided for sure):

========

Our first annual weight loss challenge (20 weeks) will begin on Friday January 5^th and continue through Friday May 25^th.

The challenge will feature:

• Published entry forms for those who want to “compete” for prizes.
• Weekly journals for all Challenge participants.
• Published 20-week journals of the top 3 participants plus participating group moderators.
• A top prize and runner-up prize, judged by List Owner Mary, and Moderators Anna, Hawa, and Thia.
• The most awesome weight loss and cleansing peer support available on the internet!

Background

In spite of several concerns that a few of our members are using Stanley Burroughs Master Cleanse as a quick way to lose weight, we are hosting our first annual Weight Loss Challenge. This year’s challenge is named: Lemonhead Losers.

In his book, Stanley Burroughs declared his own cleanse as an optimal way to lose weight (fat, toxins, and water). If that isn’t convincing enough, also consider the following:

• Overweight/obesity is a known contributor to life threatening illness.
• The American Heart Association maintains a list of known cardiovascular problems that are specifically caused or greatly magnified by carrying extra weight.
• The quick weight loss associated with the cleanse is no different than fast weight loss on shows like The Biggest Loser and no different than the quick weight lost after bariatric surgery.

No matter how you slice it, losing the extra weight is a necessary part of any plan for overall health and fitness.

If you fall into the category of folks with a weight loss goal, we invite you to join our Challenge!

Why Now?

We have an unbelievably supportive group of members. Time and time again, our members help each other through difficult cleanse times. Why not offer such quality support for weight loss? Sometimes friendship, support, understanding, and even a little competitiveness can make the difference between reaching the goal and quitting too soon.
===========

Whether or not the Weight Loss Challenge happens, I have a plan to lose 40 pounds in the new year. I'll share that journey at this blog - duplicating my journal entries from the Yahoo group if necessary.

Leave a comment if your New Year involves losing weight. Make your way over the the Yahoo group and get some of the best support available on the internet!

Fascination

Thursday, March 2, 2006
As my thighs become reacquainted with each other and make that reunion swishing sound, I have a renewed fascination with our relationship to food. Over at the Yahoo group, we have a lively conversation going about using food to escape - and other links between food and emotions. Once you go on a cleanse with no food for 10 or more days, you learn just how often you think about food. A thin and healthy coworker even found himself surprised over impulse food habits that he'd developed over the years. One member of the board posted a most interesting theory:

Its funny how weight gain actually manifests itself into an emotional disorder. A period of short term stress with long hours and little sleep can cause a person to adopt unhealthy eating habits in order to cope with the stress. As the unhealthy eating causes a person to gain weight, they begin to feel sluggish and lazy and begin to reduce any physical activities previously enjoyed.

This in turn leads to more weight gain. When the gain has reached a point where it is readibly noticeable by the person and their peers, then self esteem issues begin to surface generating stress leading to more unhealthy eating habits. Also, most unhealthy eating habits involve large amounts of bad carbs which I personally know to be addictive.

Looking back over the past several years, I can't remember a lonely, stressful, angry, or sad moment that I didn't stuff with a comfort food. Sadly enough, commercials are openly promoting the strategy of stuffing an emotional issue with crappy food.

So I'm actively searching for a replacement. I'm firing comfort food on the spot, and hanging the "help wanted" sign. Who or what should apply for the job? Use the comments feature to share your answers, and I'll post my responses to your suggestions.

I have a few ideas of my own, and I am on a serious personal mission to win a battle that many people lose. Besides missing the mark God established for the body-as-temple, I realize that I don't look or feel like the "me" I know and love. I have plans for a long and prosperous life. Now only if I could get my thighs to cooperate...

Stumbling and Almost Falling

Thursday, February 2, 2006

I stumbled this week. It's like somebody tied my shoelaces together. While they were at it, they bound and gagged my new personal guidelines for a healthier life - and shoved them into a huge duffel bag.

The past four days have been a challenge. Food calls me to suppress stress and boredom. And alas, I finally had the pop-culture icon of the Standard American Diet.... can you guess what it is?... here are some clues:

• If satan could cook, this is the food he would prepare
• It smells great when you're craving it, and smells like h@ll when you're trying to eat right
• No rational mind on the planet actually wants to eat this food, but can't escape the eerie force field when driving by in a moment of weakness
• Just like nicotine is the addictive part of cigarettes, the finger-licking salty sticks are the addictive part of this food

Did you guess McDonald's? LOL!

I finally had McDonald's this week, and it was downhill from there. Slight headache. Poor sleep. Skin breakout. And the worst... craving more bad food. I won't even talk about the Girl Scout cookies that fell out of the sky and landed on my desk yesterday. Well... they kinda landed there after I went to the ATM, took out the money, and paid the dedicated father who was selling them for his daughter...

I almost gave up this morning, but something strange happened...
Even tho I felt bloated, I put on my red suit, and the pants were looser! That was enough to keep me encouraged.

On top of eating right most days, I've made other lifestyle changes. I walk more, and I starting using my 2 hours in the car as an opportunity to exercise. I exercise my legs while on cruise control, my upper body while at red lights, and my abs (crunches) while driving with the pedals. It's scary to sit for 2 hours in the car most days, and then work a desk job all day - which requires a lot more sitting.

One day at a time, gang. One day at a time...

Cleanse 2, Day 11: Past the Halfway Mark!

Wednesday January 11, 2006

Alas, the halfway-mark celebration is shadowed by the fact that boredom is setting in. Hey, if you eat anything 3 three times a day for 10 days straight, you may start looking at it a little cross-eyed.

I can say that I'm truly loving the free breast enlargement. C'mon ladies, raise your hands if the fat loss on your belly gave lift and definition to those feminine curves.

Regardless of boredom, I'm pleased with my jump into unknown territory (since my first cleasne was only 10 days). As many cleansers often describe, I am shockingly "unhungry" at this point. Your brain wants to fight with you and force you to believe that you must eat soon. A tiny voice wants to panic when food has been consumed in double-digit days. But your body is also speaking, and the feel-good results fight back against the brain's attack with logic. Then the brain counter-punches with a whiney, "I wanna taste food."

Then I step in and end the match, reminding both that this cleanse isn't just about either of them. I started with a specific purpose to give a first-fruit offering to the Lord for spiritual reasons. Like two children, I send them to their rooms so I can make more lemonade.

Quick Stats:
Lemonade: 6 glasses
Water: 33.8 ounces
AM: Senna Tea, PM: Senna Tea
Weight Loss (no scale): I can look down and see lap... and chair!
Healing Crisis: None

Flashback:
Wanna see where I was shortly after I finished my first cleanse?
The Day After: Attack of the Oranges

Cleanse 2, Day 7: Food Fantasy Graduates to Entire Restaurant Fantasy

Saturday January 7, 2006

I took my boys to Pizza Hut today. While they sat and ate pizza, I wrote a mini-business plan for a unique restaurant. As I consider life after the cleanse, I'm disappointed by the food choices available to families who want to dine out.

I have to admit, the restaurant idea could be a defense mechanism for surviving an afternoon at Pizza Hut. It could be my chitlin food fantasy turning into a full blown "restaurant fantasy."

I've been watching a lot of cooking shows. Some say this introduces temptation, and only a nut would cleanse and watch people cook scrumptious food. But I'm taking a different position. My post-cleanse life is all about better food choices. Watching those shows now is building an arsenal of better skills while NOT under the pressue of eating.

The best part of the day? My 13-year old son was my two-armed tape measure on my first cleanse. He discovered that he could get his arms around my waist by day 7. Today, he conducted the same test and found he could overlap his wrists on the other side.

Today was a slow day, so straight to the quick stats:

Quick Stats:
Lemonade: 6 glasses
Water: 20 ounces
AM: SWF (1/2), PM: Senna Tea
Healing Crisis: None
Wildcard Stat: The youngest person in the family to ever need Preparation H to make it through a day.

Flashback:
Want to see where I was on Day 7 of my first cleanse?
Day 7, Part I: The Two-Armed Tape Measure
Day 7, Part II: The Tolerance of a Flea

Cleanse 2, Day 2: Thank God for Cleansing During the Holiday

Monday January 2, 2006

The day started with a “healing crisis” early in the morning. By 5:40am, I had a rapid heartbeat and wasn’t feeling very well at all. Several years ago, I was on beta blockers to assist with palpitations and rapid heartbeat. The worst started two days after giving birth to my 6-year old. I was rushed to the cardiac ward with a resting heart rate dangerously close to 200 beats per minute. As the staff explained, “200 beats is fast enough to make the heart quit trying.” I have never seen maternity nurses scramble so fast. They seemed more afraid than I was. I remember clearly, it felt like my chest was full of air, and I had to pee a lot. Other than that, I kept asking if I could get up or nurse the baby. Their shocked faces should have been a clear clue.

Anyway, I was actually happy to start Day 2 with a “healing crisis,” because it means I’m getting down to business. In my mind, I was cleansing whatever caused those heartbeat problems in the past. I also knew the crisis would pass. By 10am, I was feeling great – and VERY thankful I wasn’t cleansing at work. That particular “healing crisis” may have prompted me to quit… just to escape the symptoms at work. And I NEVER want to quit just a few days into a cleanse.

It’s 21 days or bust, baby.

• Quick Stats:

Glasses of Lemonade: 6
Ounces of Water: 20
AM: Senna Tea, PM: Senna Tea
Healing Crisis: Heck yes, rapid heart rate, lasting about 3 hours
Weight Loss: Wow. Feet shrank. Son noticed. No kidding. They were bloated from holiday eating.
Wildcard Stat: Somehow I think I get an award for "fewest food fantasies on day 2."

• Flashback
  

Check out where I was on Day 2 of my first cleanse:
Day 2, Part I | Day 2, Part II

The Tragic Aftermath

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I must request a moment of silence for body fat... specifically the fat on my belly. You see, since the cleanse, I haven't been able to stomach any meat besides fish. I ate two eggs on the 3rd day after the cleanse and thought I would keel over. My tummy shrank, along with some other stuff. Body fat is dead. What a tragedy... NOT!

I am enjoying a life of fruit, veggies, grains, nuts, fish, and some cheese. Yes. ENJOYING. I don't miss meat a lick. As a result, I can look down while I'm driving and see my lap. Wow. Just as I was getting used to seeing stomach and knees... I can see LAP. The law should probably count lap-watching in the same category as "driving while talking on a cell phone," because a new lap is very distracting.

I still see some bad habits trying to surface, like too many refined carbs. But boy oh boy. The good habits are coming out of the woodwork.

• I keep clean (distilled, reverse osmosis, spring) water in the house... much more than I used to.
• I spend more time in the produce section of the market than the meat, snack, and bread sections put together.
• When I purchased prepared foods on my last Whole Foods trip... they were all veggie based. Corn cakes. Greens with garlic. Ummmm.
• I eat very few sweets now. I was no "sweet tooth" before, but I'm eating even less.
• I don't graze all day. I have no desire to visit the snack machine to fight the midday blahs.

I am totally annoyed that January is still 3 months away. I'm counting the time for my 20-day cleanse. As I told Scott today, I've become the Cleanse Evangelist!

Cleanse Day 7, Part I: The Two-Armed Tape Measure

October 14, 2005/October 15, 2005

This is really a summary of the end of Day 6. I just couldn't resist writing a Part II...

As I prepared my tea for the bedtime ritual, my 13-year old son ran to give me a hug. He stepped away and paused before returning to his video game. Now if you know my son, anything that causes him to pause before a video game is a big deal.

"Hmmm. Wow, mom. I can get both arms around you."

Now let me qualify that statement. He can probably barely get those short little arms around Halle Berry or Tyra Banks, right????

Anyway, I did notice how he was able to clasp his hands together. Makes me wish I did a weigh-in before the cleanse. (Hush, Wolf. I know... metrics, metrics. I'll get to you on this blog later). :-)

I feel strange. Not bad strange...

"Heavy" is a good term to describe the feeling after large or poor meals... because the strange I feel right now is "light." My movemenst don't feel hindered... almost fluid... like moving in water. Did someone spike my lemonade???

I see how super-healthy eaters stay in such great shape in terms of exercise. It's easy to be vital and active when you feel this good.

Notes to those on the cleanse:

1. I have experienced a few bouts with mild dizziness. They go away as quickly as they start. Have more lemonade and realize that the body is working something out. Don't assume symptoms are from a lack of food and quit the cleanse. Be in it to win it, baby.

2. I'm in day 7. When you get this far in a 10-day cleanse, start mapping your plan for after the cleanse including (1) the list of things you need to come off the cleanse correctly and (2) a personal plan for adopting and maintaining healthy eating habits.

3. Never argue that your lemonade is your "food" to a six-year old. Their logic will always win after declaring, "It can't be chewed because there are no whole lemons in it." Smartypants.

Cleanse Day 4, Part I: Wrangle Me A Lemonade

October 12, 2005

I'm all in like Flynn now. I'm not interested in somebody wrangling me a steak... just pass the lemonade.

I'm still feeling great today. The Salt Water Flush was almost a total success this AM... well... until I almost didn't make it into the building at work later. Note to self: Decrease salt for those who "flush" too long.

Hey ladies... My feet are slim! You know, that sleeker look, showing off the arch, and the oh-so-sexy *gasp* extra little space between the toes. No more chubb on da feet.

I'm walking places faster than ever, without that little "whew, glad that's over" at the end. I would NEVER imagine having more energy to exercise while not eating. The Standard American Diet, and the accompanying mindset, would never allow for such crazy-talk. I got mad at the slow elevator and took 2-flights of stairs today. In heels.

I keep asking people if I'm talking too loudly. I can hear everything. Even my own voice is too loud for me. I can smell everything, too. I have an air pattern in my home, that allows me to smell aroma oil upstairs when burned at a certain place downstairs. BUT, this AM... I stood at that spot at the top of the stairs and could smell my son's cold cereal downstairs. What da? I went back 3 times to make sure that's what I was smelling. He musta been in the airstream. But dang. Like I told W.P. and S.S., I'm the bionic woman.

Notes to those who want to try the cleanse:

1. If you think you're in love with food, you'll find out you're not. Heck, food and I were married. That thingy with my ex-husband was bigamy. If I can find this level of vitality on a cleanse, you can too.

2. The limes were a success. Delicious. I didn't really need the change, but it was nice nonetheless.